Self-pleasure for women is still pretty much a taboo in 2019!
While most of us do it, most of us don’t ever talk about it.
How we self-pleasure, and by extension how we make love, affects so much how we have relationships.
I asked a few friends about their self-pleasuring and if it had changed when they started a long-term relationship.
My friend Maria shared that she hadn’t been self-pleasuring at all during the first 7 years of her marriage. First she felt like she didn’t needed to since she had a partner. And then when things started to slow down with her husband after few years, she felt like she wasn’t supposed to give herself pleasure...
It wasn’t until her sex life entered a long winter phase that she finally gave herself permission to explore again her own body and what turned her on.
From there, her relationship started to evolve. She rediscovered what she really liked and was then able to say what she really wanted in the bedroom. And her husband was happy to comply ;-)
Truth bomb: your relationship can change tremendously based on how and what you can offer yourself in self-pleasuring!
This is so true, yet for some reason, people in long-term relationships don’t focus on it and don’t work on developing it. So when the individuals in a couple take self-responsibility of the self-pleasuring, it transforms the relationship.
If you are dependent on someone else to take care of your feelings and turn-ons, and you are waiting for someone else to fulfill your needs, it will create disempowerment, projection and neediness.
However, if your self-pleasure is about owning your own sexuality and pleasure, it will make you feel like a whole, empowered individual that can care to your own needs.
How cool is that? Now let’s do it ;-)
>> Conscious self-pleasure practice:
Set up your space and find a time where you can have spaciousness so you don’t feel rushed. Play some music, light some candles or anything that makes your self-pleasuring a love-date with yourself.
Then you can choose depending on what you want:
Experience surrender during sex
While self-pleasuring focus on:
Scanning your body and sensations to get out of head/control
Deep relaxed breathing that is consistent and strong enough to bring you into an altered state of consciousness
Loud sounding of your sexual sensations supporting your surrender
Setting your intention: To surrender!
Note: full surrender is a process that takes time, so use this practice with focus, breath, sound and/or intention, to surrender more and more each time.
Deepen the sexual connection with partner
Slow down everything!
Breath: Into the heart
Focus: On the sensations moment to moment in yourself (and then with your partner)