During the whole month of October I am focusing on relationships and how we can keep the balance within ourselves and with our partners.
And today I want to share 3 books that are really worth the read if you’re looking to improve your relationship.
Falling in love and being in a relationship can look like a beautiful tango dance, it may look effortless and even glamorous on the outside but it is always a lot more complex inside. And it takes work!
The emotional need for love is fundamental to our nature. It is at the center of our emotional desires.
Yet lots of the women I work with find it difficult to feel emotionally loved the way they would like to by their partners because of all the clutter caused by not communicating and connecting enough.
When you are going through a challenging time in your love life, you can choose to feel lonely and resentful, but you can also see it as an opportunity to learn about yourself and chose to grow.
And then, when you gain awareness on yourself, your behaviors and expectations, you can share your discoveries and personal keys with your partner in a mature, conscious and loving way.
If you feel ready to up-level your relationship those 3 books are filled with great nuggets of wisdom and powerful exercises to help you get there:
Getting the love you want by Harville Hendrix is one of the best books out there that will give you a solid roadmap for your relationship. Hendrix invites us to increase our knowledge of ourselves and our partner, including childhood, wounds so we can better understand our triggers where they come from.
I must say it really changes everything when you understand that the reason why you are feeling so mad/sad/disappointed… has actually nothing to do with the actual situation. The more you read this book the more you’ll be like “Wow!”. And you may suddenly understand something that you carried for a long time without even knowing it.
The beauty of it is that once you have this awareness, then you can start to communicate differently.
What I especially love about this book: the clear approach to building a conscious partnership and the exercise #10 on Re-romanticizing!
In Wired for love by Stan Tatkin we go even deeper into what is really going on in our heads.
It is an excellent book if you want to understand how both of your brains work. It will show you how to stay out of conflicts that lead nowhere and learn skillful communication based on love and trust.
Tatkin explains that how you learned to love from your parents (attachment) plays a significant role in your relationship. Our style of attachment affects everything from our partner selection to how well our relationships progress to, sadly, how they end.
That is why recognizing our attachment pattern can then help you understand your strengths and vulnerabilities in your relationship and help you improve it.
What I especially love about this book: the morning and evening rituals to stay connected, plus all the great and easily actionable exercises. Plus the book is short!
The five love languages by Gary Chapman is a best seller and a quick read that help us understand how we express love in different ways.
You know that feeling when you wish your partner would only give you something that you are giving him so easily but he doesn’t seem to give you back?
That might simply be because you don’t speak the same love languages. In Chapman’s theory there are 5 mains love languages:
· Words of affirmation: verbal compliments or encouraging words
· Quality time: or focused attention, for example having a quality conversation where you feel really listened to
· Receiving gifts: some of us see gifts as visual symbols of love
· Acts of service: doing things you know your partner would like you to do
· Physical touch: ranging from holding hands, hugs, kisses to sex
When you identify which ones are yours and which ones are your partners, you can then keep your emotional love thanks full. And learning to speak the primary love language of your partner may really quickly affect his behavior.
What I especially love about this book: it’s that it gives you concrete things you can do to make your partner feel loved and appreciated. And by letting him know what is you primary love language, you can get your needs met, exactly as you want them to be. Win, win!
Enjoy your fall reading and let me know what you learn!